“Hey Dad, Where Were You?” — Healing the Father Wound
- Therapy by Maryanne Counselling
- Jun 17
- 3 min read
Now that we just celebrated father's day, let’s talk about the big D in the room—Dad. More specifically, absent dads—not just the ones who physically left, but also the ones who were there, but… not really there.
You know what I mean.
He may have been on the couch every day after work but never asked how you were doing. Maybe he only spoke to you when you were in trouble. Or maybe he walked out when you were three and you’ve been doing emotional gymnastics ever since to prove you’re worth staying for.
If any of this is hitting home, welcome. You're not alone—and you’re not crazy for still feeling it.
Emotional Absence Feels Like This…
You're in a relationship and suddenly terrified they’ll leave… for no real reason.
You achieve everything—yet feel empty without external validation.
You get praised and feel awkward—like… "Thanks, but I don't believe you."
You're the strong friend, the fixer, the overthinker… because nobody showed up for you the way you now show up for others.
It’s not just a sad memory. It’s a wound—a "father wound." And healing it isn’t about hating your dad. It’s about giving yourself what you never received.
So, What Is the Father Wound?
It’s the emotional residue left behind by a father who was:
Physically absent (divorce, death, abandonment), or
Emotionally unavailable (present in body, absent in heart).
Both can leave deep questions like:
Am I lovable?
Am I enough?
Do people always leave?
Left unhealed, this wound sneaks into how we trust, love, and feel safe.
Real Talk: What You Might’ve Needed to Hear But Didn’t
Let’s pause. Read these out loud:
“I’m proud of you.”
“Your feelings matter.”
“I love you—no matter what.”
“You don’t have to be perfect for me to love you.”
Did that make you tear up? Or cringe? Either way—that’s your inner child whispering: “Finally, someone sees me.
Childhood You Deserved This:
Imagine little you at 7 years old, holding up your drawing of a flying elephant. You deserved someone to say, “That’s amazing! Tell me all about it!”Not: “Why does the elephant have wings? That’s not realistic.”
You deserved:
Hugs that lasted.
“I’m sorry” when he messed up.
Someone cheering louder than everyone else at your school play—even if you only had one line.
Okay, So How Do We Heal?
1. Talk About It (Yup, even the awkward stuff).That’s where therapy comes in. Not to bash Dad, but to rebuild you.Unpack. Untangle. Unlearn.
2. Re-parent Yourself.You can become the loving, validating, emotionally present adult you needed.It looks like:
Setting boundaries.
Practicing affirmations like, “I am lovable as I am.”
Choosing partners/friends who are emotionally safe.
3. Forgive… But Only When You’re Ready.Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means releasing you from the grip of pain. You get to take your time.
Let’s Get Practical: Journal Prompts for This Week
What did I wish my dad had said to me?
In what ways have I been trying to earn love?
How can I show up for myself today?
Final Thoughts
If this blog feels personal, that’s because it is. So many of us are walking around with invisible bruises from fathers who didn’t know how to father.
But guess what?
Healing is available. Wholeness is possible. And you’re not doing it alone.
You’ve got you now.And if you need help?You’ve got Therapy by Maryanne, too.
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