“That’s Just How He Is” — And Other Ways We Miss Men’s Mental Health

How often have you heard someone say, “He’s just tired,” when a man has gone quiet, withdrawn, or unusually irritable? Maybe you’ve even said it yourself. For generations, society has wrapped men in a cloak of silent strength, expecting them to "man up," push through, and keep going. But here's the truth: men struggle too.

June is Men’s Health Month — a timely reminder to talk openly and kindly about the mental and emotional well-being of men everywhere.

Why Aren’t Men Talking?

Globally, the pressure on men to stay stoic is real. In Kenya, it’s not uncommon to hear a father say, "Mwanaume ni kuvumilia” (a man should endure). In the U.S., phrases like “boys don’t cry” are passed down like family heirlooms. In Japan, many men work long hours, often without a word about the emotional toll it takes — a phenomenon so prevalent they coined the term karōshi (death by overwork).

Whether in Nairobi, New York, or Nagoya, the result is the same: men are suffering in silence.

The Face of Men’s Mental Health Might Surprise You

Men don’t always show depression as sadness. It can look like:

• Anger or irritability

• Withdrawing from family or friends

• Overworking

• Drinking more than usual

• Physical complaints like constant fatigue or unexplained aches

Take Carlos, a 38-year-old entrepreneur in Brazil. After his business took a hit during COVID, he became increasingly snappy at home and started skipping family dinners. “I didn’t think I was depressed,” he said. “I thought I was just failing.”

Or James from the UK, who thought seeking therapy made him “less of a man” — until a panic attack at work forced him to slow down. His healing began when a friend simply asked, “Mate, are you okay?”

The Weight of Expectation

Men often feel like they must be the rock for everyone else — providers, protectors, problem-solvers. But who’s checking in on them?

Let’s be honest — we romanticize the "strong silent type." But silence can be dangerous. Globally, men die by suicide at significantly higher rates than women. In fact, over 75% of suicides are men, according to the World Health Organization.

That’s not strength. That’s pain with no outlet.

What Can We Do?

Here’s how we can show up for the men in our lives:

1. Check In – Not just “How are you?” but “How are you, really?”

2. Listen Without Judgement – Let him speak, even if it’s messy.

3. Normalize Therapy – Remind him that seeking help isn’t weakness — it’s wisdom.

4. Model Vulnerability – If you’re a man, show your emotions. It permits others to do the same.

Healing Is Masculine, Too

At Therapy by Maryanne, we hold space for men to feel, speak, and heal. Whether it’s anxiety, burnout, relationship struggles, or childhood wounds, you don’t have to carry it all alone.

Because being a man shouldn’t mean suffering in silence. It should mean being seen, supported, and understood. So, the next time you hear, “He’s just tired,” pause and ask: Is he really?